Void

The void is that which stands right in the middle of 'this' and 'that'
The void is all-inclusive, having no opposite -there is nothing which it excludes or opposes
It is a living void, because all forms come out of it and whoever realizes the void is filled with life and power and the love of all things

This is a quote by Bruce Lee from the Tao of Jeet Kune Do
It can obviously be applied to the experience of everyone and here is my version of it,

The 'void' he refers to appear to be our thought- but in fact it is more than that- our mind and higher self
It exists in between our physical body and none physical thoughts
our higher self is only called higher as it is greater than the ego, so without an ego our higher self is just our selves
It does not judge what it experiences, as it knows way far greater than words, for learning is the real adventure
As it does not judge, it has no likes or dislikes, friends nor enemies, it treats everything as a part of itself, as experience belongs to the experiencer
It is a living void means it is alive and real, as all we perceive comes out of it 
Those who find their higher self, or real self, [or learns to disregard their ego] will be filled with life and power and real love of all things

Thought

If past, present and future exists all at the same time, then does our reincarnations only depend on the lives of which we learn of?

In another way, by purely learning about experiences other than our own we allow ourselves to understand new kinds of information which forms seedlings in our brain which our thoughts stem from, which influences the way we we perceive everything, does it not?

Breath

Yesterday I had some trouble with my breathing during meditation

This was probably due to the fact that all my presentations for uni are due next week and I have just been very caught up with it all as I have been trying to achieve my best this year

After I had brought my attention to this issue I was able to access where those thoughts were forming and restructure them into giving my head more time and space and that everything will work out fine as long as I made the most of my positive energy

After my meditation my thoughts kept lingering on the previous breathing issue and trying to visually picture what happened to my lungs when I couldn't manage to take a full, deep breath

I have read about this somewhere before, I thought to myself, it must have been from reading about Chinese philosophical body breathing techniques where the inward breathing, inspiration, and outward breathing, expiration, were deconstructed to be able to figure out the importance of balancing our breath

I couldn't fully remember what it was all about so I decided to do some research on it and found that there weren't too much information on this aspect of breathing at all

So I would like to share with you what I discovered and hope it can assist in understanding our way of breathing and how it is connected to our physical and emotional health

It is said that our heart rate increases when we breathe in, and decreases when breathing out, therefore traditional ancient Chinese medicine stated that a person has to balance exactly their inward and outward breathing as an excess of either can lead to bodily disharmony
It is also stated that a person's emotional state can be read by their physical breathing- a person can be seen as impatient, or anxious when their inspiration is longer, or lacking in expiration and vice versa can depict them as lacking in energy and experiencing fatigue

love and war

Sometime last year, there was a huge outrage on the war between China and Japan over the island they were fighting for and it brought so much pain and hatred to the citizens of each country

Japanese brand cars got smashed in the streets of China their companies belonging to Japan went broke as the Chinese citizens stopped supporting them

There was just so much hatred and fear and it all feels like a bad dream

Then I came across a Ted talk about a graphics designer who brought the Iraq and Iran citizens together by spreading loving messages to each other via facebook
He had made a very good and clear point that we all love the things we find a connection to, therefore both sides posted pictures of themselves with the message that they do not want war but want to love each other

This was just so powerful and inspiring that I really hope for the Chinese and Japanese citizens to see it

Just recently there was another outburst where a Chinese movie received zero views at the cinemas in Japan which then caused the Chinese citizens to spread the message to not give the new Japanese movie any attention when it reaches China

It just feels like unconscious fighting of children who don't know what they really want as they are blinded to it by the higher power who controls them

I wish to gather more people to help create a movement against this war and wake the people up to a new light and way of living with love as they would love a family member

We all love things we find a connection to and fear only arises when we don't understand a person or situation, and if they then present themselves as a threat against us, hatred brews and takes over

However if we are conscious towards this hatred we can be a bigger person and that brings us an unlimited amount of light and hapiness

Existence

How can we doubt the forces of nature and disrespect it when nature is the root of our existence? Human beings, unlike other earthly creatures seem to lack the ability to experience life in sync with the earth. We developed another form of communication through language in order to comprehend our own thoughts and exchange them with others. We had to force ourselves to develop tools and enslave other creatures in order to survive.

Now think about the other creatures on this earth that can communicate with each other just as much using no language but actions and emotions. Doesn't it just make you realise life doesn't have to be as complicated as it turned out to be, that we do not need to depend on money for happiness or material things.

I realised today that there is a whole other system of existence beyond what the human beings constructed up to today. We tend to think how much greater we are compared to other creatures on the earth only because we use tools and communicate with words. However because of this over confidence we are blinded to the dimensions of existence experienced by other beings. There is much more to life than just living. Think about it, what would we be experiencing had we not developed words as language and labelled everything in order to simplify it? We would be experiencing.

Meditation and Exercise

Can you keep the spirit and body without scattering?
Can you concentrate your mind to use breath, making it soft and quiet as an infant's?
Can you purify your contemplation and keep it from turbulence?
- Lao Tsu, chapter 10 of the Tao Te Ching

When I first soul searching I found meditation to be a very helpful exercises for developing a quiet mind. It has now been one year since I first started and I can feel myself understand the techniques more each time I meditate.

In the beginning it was hard for me to focus on even the smallest things such as keeping my eyes closed and relaxing my body. After that I was faced with the challenge of keeping a clear mind and meditation became a much more pleasant thing for me to do.

I had always noticed a ticking sound inside my head throughout the whole process as soon as I shut my eyes, it was like the ticking of a second hand on the clock, tick tick ticking away each second I experienced. Visually it seemed as if I was looking into the insides of my eyelids, sometimes I could see a little ball of light that differs in colour and sometimes it was just static dots everywhere.

Recently I became more active with such exercises and included Falungong into my daily rituals which took place before meditation. A contemporary zen master, Huai chin Nan, made a deep study of Taoism which suggested using meditation and exercise together: "After sufficient sleep, with vitality renewed, one should then meditate again. If he finds, however, that there is no fatigue in mind or body, it is better to get up to do a little exercise. The spirit thus roused, he will be able to maintain an appropriate and stable state of quietude." Professor Nan mentions in his book it is helpful for meditation to perform Chi Kung(Chinese exercise) or Yoga beforehand. Also after meditation, one can use light exercise. Tai Chi Chuan is a moderate and soft exercise that combines well with meditation.

Fa Lun Gong is a recently introduced Chinese exercise that is also similar to Tai Chi Chuan. I was attracted to its philosophies and poetic structured movements and therefore was inspired to practise it before meditation. I found this pairing of exercise and meditation to be most helpful as it helped my mind and body to settle without any intended force.

Since practising this new technique my meditation experience seem to have altered. The ticking sounds are now replaced the word "now, now, now, now" and visually the static spots has gone and the little sometimes morph into a little purple and green butterfly flapping its wings around my inner eyelids in a somewhat playful manner. I found this very fascinating and was in awe for some time though I did not share it with anyone around me as they do not understand or are interested in meditation and spirituality yet.

I hope my experience will inspire someone to try out these techniques which can be accessed easily via the internet. Falungong is taught by its original source on YouTube and I really encourage those who attempt it to go on the Falungong website and read about the poetic structured exercises and incorporate them in your mind while practising.

I understand there were, and still are big issues relating to Falungong in China regarding to the government being intimidated by its influential power. I believe everyone has their opinions about it and the topic will probably not be resolved easily but practising it does no harm and I truly find it a positive experience.

Hole in a flute

I am a hole in a flute that the Christ's breath moves through, listen to the music

-Shams-ud-din Muhammad Hafiz c, 1320-1389

Life Story

Before I emerge into the vast space of conscious thoughts I would like to discuss my awakening experience.

I was the first child in my family and while I was going through my earliest childhood at the beginning of the 90's my parents were faced with opportunities which led to an increasing wealth.

As a infant ofcourse I could not process this pleasant concept of becoming rich. I probably enjoyed sitting in luxurious cars and sleeping in a good quality bed but I'm sure I didn't comprehend this sudden change in my environment as being positive or negative. My earliest memories were of a tiny apartment on the second floor of an old two story building, as i took afternoon walks with my grandmother I would be so excited to greet other people in the corridors and on the streets. As I grew a bit older my parents had a second child and moved us to an eight stories private house which was constructed of one room per floor. My parents room was on the top floor and it looked out to the mountains(which we lived on) and the vast sea.

So now I lived with a younger brother who had a nanny that didn't like me playing with him. My father was often out doing business so I followed my mother everyday while she did her crazy shopping routines. I hear I was a pretty good kid. My results at school were always at the top and I had many hobbies and loved making friends. My father made sure we experienced life through travelling to a different country every year. During middle school my father retired and we moved to Brisbane Australia where my parents thought was a wonderful environment for me and my brother to grow up in. I enjoyed making new friends and adapting to a fresh place where there were lots to learn.

Then came highschool. All of a sudden I was forced to attend the best private all girls school against my will. My first day was horrible, I arrived at this frightening new place realising slowly that everyone had friends from their previous school except for me. No one made an effort to come and comfort me or make me feel welcome except for my new maths teacher who came to say hi(probably because I looked nervous as hell).

Beginning somewhere in highschool I became interested in boys. I lost a lot of weight and was starting to be conscious of my looks. My parents did not take this very pleasantly as they banned me from going out with friends(I could go out twice a year during school holidays, but only under their supervision where they made sure I was with female friends), catching public transport(which I hadn't done before) and talking on the phone. This is where my life started to get out of perspective.

I eventually made my life purpose to do what I wanted whether by lying to my parents or simply doing things when they are not aware. I was never single without a boyfriend and frequently skipped school and sneaked out at night to be with him. I lied about staying behind for school in order to hang out in the city with my friends for a few hours. One day I got caught for skipping school, my mother was contacted and she made up a lie about my father being violent(though he was to my brother) and practically begged them not to suspend me. The result was a Saturday detention and many session of counselling at school. My mother was diagnosed with early thyroid cancer some day following those events and my parents made sure I knew I was to blame. I didn't think it would affect me that much at the time, but I have always lived with this burden up until not too long ago.

I graduated with a sound grade and planned to attend university to do business(I don't know why, I guess it seemed an adult thing to do). I lost interested with the degree in second semester and changed to journalism. The other students' enthusiasm intimidated me and so I dropped the courses. I decided to work for a bit while I decided what course was right for me and ended up in a casual position at a beach jewellery store.

I had made a long term boyfriend(who was my best friend throughout highschool) by then and we saw each other nearly everyday. This guy used to drop pills to go clubbing and smoked weed frequently. He was two years older than me and was quite over clubbing by the time we got together. Being a curious child I have always wandered at the miraculous effects of drugs. My boyfriend finally gave in one day and that was the beginning to my out of control obsession.

I was 18 when I first used marijuana and ecstasy, which led me to experiment with LSD and mushrooms- nothing deadly. I attended a bachelor of science degree and a fashion design course in between two jobs which I had eventually dropped again. My relationship became rocky as I became sick of my boyfriend's constant marijuana use which I thought made him lazy. He had also deferred his university degree and was working at a call centre. I broke up with him one day after he lied to me over the same issues. One of his friends who I had become close to decided to look after me and eventually broke off his friendship with my ex. I was still going clubbing weekly accompanied by ecstasy and cocaine.

At the age of 20 I moved out of home because my mother could not sleep without the comfort of knowing I am home safe and sound and my father was worried it would take its toll on her cancer returning. My friend decided to move in with me and we grew to be like siblings. He gradually started controlling everything I do and although I didn't like it, I hadn't felt the need to take action just yet. One day I found out he was doing heroin on random occasions when we fought. I was eager to try it and after some refusal ritual he felt he had to perform he let me in. I eventually got close to the dealers and found out they didn't like my friend very much because he gave them bad attitude when he thought they were hitting on me. So that was that- I snapped at him one day and kicked him out of my life, which consisted of a two close highschool girlfriends, my cat(I was kicked out of home for a few months while my parents adjusted to the idea that i wanted a cat) and my dealer.

I was 21 that year, I spent Christmas and my birthday that summer alone at home(with my cat) in my own little heroin paradise. I made a few attempts to go cold turkey, but because I was unfamiliar with the post kicking affects I ended up falling back into that deadly cycle. I am lucky that I only smoked and not injected. I guess it was always at the back of my mind, that no matter how hard life became for me- financially and health-wise that I would never put a needle in my body because then there really is no going back.

I moved back home after 6months of using due to financial difficulties. My father found some used foil in my drawer one day and confronted me with it. I then went on a detox program of taking subutex pills everyday for a week, gradually decreasing in dosage to ween me off the withdrawals. One day while in bed I saw a red light from under my study table, I ignored it at first but ended up checking it out due to my curiosity. It was a security camera my father placed in order to supervise me. I was so hurt by that event I immediately took the camera outside and smashed it with a hammer and left it there. I stopped talking to my father. Then there was my parents plan to send me overseas with my mother for six months where I chose to learn painting and the original plan was for me to attend a study program in Provence, France but I knew i wasn't ready and wanted to return to Brisbane.

At the end of my days overseas there was a quarrel between me and my parents that destroyed my recovery. I had finished my painting lessons by then and my father and brother were visiting me abroad. We had dinner with a family friend and her son, which was my brother's best friend. He was slightly older than my brother and was keen to take us clubbing, though my brother was more interested in computer games as he was but 15 years old. So my brother's and I told our parents we were meeting with some of his friends for a movie and ended up going clubbing together. My parents found out about it after I returned home in the morning. They were not happy about it and accused me of leading kids to go to bad places and told me what am embarrassment I was.

Something happened to me at that point, something I still can't fully explain today but can understand it a bit better. I became disassociated with my body but not in a positive manner. It was like someone or something took over my mind and even up to now my memories of it is ate vague. I remember returning to the clubs alone as a reaction to my parents placing their burdens on me again. I made some new friends, some were good and most had motives behind their kindness. I got myself into a fight while standing up to a random guy who hit his girlfriend in front of me. His sister and him ended up bottling my head, which I had to get stitches for and have three scars on my head as a result. I also thought I fell in love with a Spanish guy who I slept with under the influence of cocaine and stayed at his house for a few days after. I became very hurt when he moved on to other girls and got over me, I reacted by trying to hurt those girls back and getting myself banned from the club. That's pretty much a brief summary of my road to hell and now I will talk about my way out from it.

So I came back to Brisbane after missing a few first class flights(which angered my parent's flight centre friends quite a bit). I returned to using the first day back and so I put myself on a long term treatment program, at least that way I'd know I won't be using again. I tried to make things up with my ex, who'd always been there for me no matter what but something changed this time. He became impatient and violent, we fought nearly everyday and I tried to end the relationship many times but he could not tell me he didn't love me anymore. I felt that I owed him a lot and tried to make up for it by letting him hurt me. I guess this is one main trigger to my realisation when I lost so much weight due to depression I began looking for solutions to my problems in books and the Internet. I stopped giving my ex a chance to hurt me and gave him a clear choice. It made him respect me more and although we are still friends today, I hardly see him and when we do I make sure it is pleasant and pure. I felt that finally I wanted to and had the chance to focus on something healthier for my body.

I started to immerse my days in books, and found myself learning about things and enjoying it. I loved reading(though I don't read many fiction books at all) as it took my mind off the disturbing memories of my previous experiences and directed me to a new path and purpose in life. One book in particular- A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle- changed my life for the better. I slowly felt myself being aware that there is another voice in me that knows what is truly right and wrong. Zhuangzi's teachings have also impacted me vastly through my realisation with the concept of Taoism. These teachings helped me understand different perspectives of life- whether from other people's points of views or even things and situations.

I also found a deep passion in astrology, natural medicine, collecting herbs and rare plants, aromatherapy, cooking, quantum physics(i studied maths and all sciences in highschool), biology and metalsmithing and painting. I am currently in second year university doing a bachelor of fine arts degree majoring in jewellery and small objects, minoring in painting. I hope to bring that consciousness I discovered to others. However I realised that naturally people don't like being told they a not living life in the healthiest form therefore it will get through to them if they are already searching or to inspire them to change. I want to achieve this inspiration by changing people's perspectives of already familiar feelings through art form.

I understand it is the present that matters the most, so presently I am a happy student achieving my dreams. However I know that I have yet to face my fear of substance dependency which I am slowly cutting down on my treatment doses. I am living at home with my mother, brother, two dogs and a cat. My father went overseas this summer, he had a fight with my mother and she seems to see a divorce taking place soon. I am working once a week at a voluntary pet adoption centre and am still close to my highschool girlfriend, though I lost one to a misunderstanding while I was living by myself.

It is not easy to attempt summing up your whole life to the present in a post but I have tried my best and I hope you enjoy reading it.

I will stop here as I have just typed a brief life story and my eyes are killing me as much as they are probably killing yours if you are still reading up to here. Thank you for opening your heart to my story and I hope we can exchange our experiences.

First Things First

This is a place intended for the interpretation and sharing of thoughts, feelings and experiences of those going through or may have already awakened.

An awakening is defined as an act or moment of becoming aware of existence through yourself. It could feel like awaking from a deep sleep or suddenly recognising reality as nothing but an illusion where you are the creator.

There's an endless amount of information for us to process as we open our eyes and heart to this new world and the most important things is just to have an opened mind.

As much as I would like to explore in this Thought Realm, I want to make sure my intention is clear. I have simply set up a space for our spirits to connect and share our thoughts, there is no means to educate or expose anything or anyone. Now that it is clear I would love and appreciate any form of feedback and discussion.